Take a breath
“Venting doesn’t extinguish the flame of anger. It feeds it.” - Adam Grant
Agree with Adam Grant’s position above?
How many of you use a good ol’ vent sesh to let off some steam about someone you’re working with?
There are many scenarios at work that can trigger that kind of frustration within you, scenarios like….
Your team member comes back with a half-finished job a few hours before the deadline.
Your boss changes course in the middle of a project you’ve moved mountains to start.
Another team lead didn’t communicate a key change to the product and it makes your team look bad.
You can fill in your own blanks but I bet that for most of you, your knee jerk reaction when you are frustrated at work is to go let it out to whoever is ready to listen.
What’s the problem with venting?
Well, first off, a usually unfiltered venting session can send the wrong message to the receiver if they aren’t appropriately briefed.
*I talk about how to brief your listener for a venting session in this podcast episode*
I’ve made the mistake in the past of using 1:1s with my manager to vent about my team. I realise now that I was not only putting my team in an awful and undeserved light, I also wasn’t doing myself any favours. I don’t think my manager left those 1:1s with confidence in my ability to handle my team’s dynamics.
Side note: As you all know, the amount of people you can open to candidly at work as you start managing people becomes more and more limited. Try to find someone outside of your team and your manager to have the unfiltered talks to.
I’ve also witnessed an open-plan venting session; where Team Lead A is sharing the frustrations they are having with Team Lead B in earshot of Team Lead B’s team. You can imagine how much of a barrier this creates between Team A and Team B. Say goodbye to healthy teamwork and cross-functional collaboration if Team A is conditioned to think that Team B’s lead is a problem.
🙋♀️Guilty….?
Why do we do this?
In fast-paced environments, we work fast. At our worst we react, we blame, we protect ourselves and our territory. We don’t stop enough to reflect and we don’t think enough about how to move forward consciously. We just GO.
Managers are not taught or encouraged enough to lead with mindfulness and to recognise that working more consciously (aka ‘slow’) can actually increase pace, not hinder it, and to work more constructively together.
The next time you catch yourself on the verge of a good ol’ vent and you’re pacing the floor to look for someone to talk to, take a pause, maybe head outside and have a think. Don’t let the anger take over and make you look like a fool.
If you really need to let it out, find a buddy that knows exactly that this is just a vent and not a reflection of reality. *Listen why finding a buddy is so important in a venting session*
Once you let it out, let it go. Don’t feed the anger, it will not serve you.
🙏Move on with a positive and open mindset 🙏
Fix the problem head on, maybe you need to give some feedback or maybe you just need to let it go.
Lastly, I want to leave you with this and I truly hope it sticks:
As a manager (or a senior person in your team), your words have more weight. Something you might say casually at the end of a long day in front of a junior member in your team can actually change their course of action or perception of people around them. Watch what you say in front of others.